


One More Step

by Imtoolazytodoanything



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Blood and Injury, Pre-Canon, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, it's a tired immortal testing the limits of his regenerative power so beware
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imtoolazytodoanything/pseuds/Imtoolazytodoanything
Summary: He is in pain. He has been for a while. The thought makes him almost giddy.The farther away they are from Hiryuu castle, the more the dragon powers weaken. Zeno puts it to the test.
Kudos: 8





	One More Step

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Sorasan's tweets about Zeno leaving Kouka to try and experience normal healing times. Posted it on tumblr a while ago but never put it here. 
> 
> Beware folks! This is a dark one. Warnings for self-harm, self-mutilation, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempt. (I would land his reasoning more in the lines of euthanasia tho, but the warning still stands)

He is in pain. He has been for a while. The thought makes him almost giddy. 

He limps through an unfamiliar landscape— _limps,_ his mind echoes, savoring it. He's never limped this much before, not for so many steps. He's not even sure where he is, doesn't even remember when he started walking. 

He does know he's so far away. The other dragon's presences are only small fickle here. He's almost glad for it. It's the kind of relief that makes his gut twist for feeling. 

His knee _throws_ with each step, the bone of his kneecap peeking through the skin. It's agonizing. It's intoxicating.

He had been testing the limits of his power, how much he could delay the healing. His skin took longer to stitch itself together on the verge of the Wind Tribe. His wounds stayed open for minutes deep in Xing territory. A finger stayed gone for half an hour after he cut it past the border of a country he hadn't heard of before.

Of course, there was that fleeting, wild hope that if he got farther enough, if he could get out of the god's line of sight, he could…

But no. He is pretty sure it doesn't work like that. He has tried.

He stabbed himself through the heart and felt it bleed until it stopped. He had closed his eyes, hoping.

...He opened them again to find his still bleeding, hurt heart with his dagger stuck to it.

He left it there. The pain was too much, his power only having enough strength to restart his heart every time it stopped. 

There had been stars in his eyes and pain clouds clogging his brain. He's not sure of how long he laid there, his heart bleeding, stopping, starting again. Repeat.

There, clawing at heaven's entrance, he had felt closer to Hiryuu and the others than he had in a long, long time. 

He doesn't remember when he finally pulled it out. He laid there, in a pool of his own blood, on a ground so far away from Kouka. Dying. Waiting.

(He does remember hearing a whisper, or thinking he heard it.

" _Zeno,"_ it had said. It had sounded so sad, it made Zeno feel bad.

He had pulled the knife out sometime after, felt his heart slowly mend itself together.

"Sorry." Zeno had whispered, clutching the medallion with bloody hands.)

His experiments now are less drastic, less hopeful. He wants to know what it is like, a normal healing time. How fascinating, after all these years, he can still try new things.

A part of him still thinks that if he walks far enough, _maybe_ …

He shakes his head.

He hopes to find a town or a village soon, so he can get a doctor to see his knee. He wonders if he could make himself understood, this far away. He wonders where he is.

He's been walking through a forest for a while now. Nature doesn't change all that much with the borders, he has discovered. He may find different trees and plants and animals, but they paint similar landscapes. 

He stops by the side of a big oak tree. He wipes sweat from his forehead. He's never sweated this much. 

The knee still burns with every movement. He will indulge in it a bit more, and then he will test how long it takes until it heals.

He limps another step.


End file.
